Utah Needs More Nudity

In the past year, I have been to 4 different public pools with my children. 2 in Utah and 2 in Seattle. Granted, it's a pretty small sample size but the locker room experience is so different. In Utah, everyone patiently waits for a changing room, either that, or does the awkward changing under the tee-shirt dance. In Seattle, women . . . wait for it . . . change their clothes as they usually would. Because of this *Gasp* there is actually nudity in the women's locker rooms. Shocking, I know. Since, I grew up in Utah, it took me a while to get used to it. Admittedly, I was a little uncomfortable when my neighbor stripped down in the middle of a conversation with me. But, after 8 weeks of swimming lessons, I was stripping down with the best of them.

I didn't think much about it, until a few months later, M. and I went swimming in Utah. I started to nonchalantly change into my swimsuit, and then froze. I was the only person in the room not waiting for a changing room and many moms looked disapproving. How dare I change in front of their impressionable daughter? Right then and there, I realized how grateful I was that I lived in Seattle. I love that M. sees other naked women. I think it is healthy for her to realize that women come in all shapes and all sizes. I think it will give her a better body image. 99% of the population look better with their clothes on, and I think girls imagine that other women's bodies look better than they actually do.

Probably, women in Utah are just trying to be modest but I would rather my daughter feel comfortable about her body.

What do you think?

I'm just going to say it.

I hate cutesy blog backgrounds. What constitutes a cutesy background, you ask? Well, here's a hint. If you found your background on "the Cutest blog on the block," it's cutesy. Or, if you have a picture of you and your spouse hugging and/or kissing behind block letters of your names, it's cutesy. I am well aware that I am in the minority on this one but that's just how I feel. You will never see holiday themed, overlapping shapes with coordinating margins on any of my blogs. and that's that.

Why I hate Subway.

I seriously hate Subway. It's not that the food is gross, it's that they pretend to have specific sandwiches you can order, when, in point of fact, they don't. They really just sell you types of meat. For example, I went to Subway and ordered their Chicken & Bacon Ranch Sub. Here is the description from the menu:

The fresh toasted SUBWAY® Chicken & Bacon Ranch sub is made with melted Monterey Cheddar cheese, all-white meat chicken breast strips, bacon strips, lettuce, tomato wheels, onions, green pepper strips, black olive slices, and ranch dressing.

Sounds good, right? But then the subway guy asks me, "What type of cheese I want". Um. . . doesn't it come with Monterey Cheddar cheese? Then, he asks me, "What vegetables I want?" Again, didn't the menu list the vegetables. and then the last straw . . . "what type of dressing do you want with that? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Why do you think I ordered the Chicken & Bacon RANCH sub??? It certainly wasn't because I hate ranch dressing. I ask you, WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A MENU DESCRIPTION if you then make your customer spell out every stinkin' ingredient? I clearly ordered the Chicken & Bacon Ranch because it sounded good, and I shouldn't have to explain to the staff how to make the sandwich that is listed on the menu. Argh!

Quizno's, on the other hand, actually will make you the sandwich you ordered. Their menu has a purpose. And that, my friends, is why I prefer Quizno's over Subway.

Star Trek

For months people have been asking if I am excited to see Star Trek. To all those people, I would like to say, "Have you seen the other Star Trek movies?" Seriously. Star Trek movies are not good. Out of all 10, there are only 2 watchable ones (II, and IV--if you care). The rest are only good if you are watching them MST3000 style. But, the positive reviews for the newest Star Trek gave me enough courage to pay to see it in the theater. And, to my utmost surprise, it was good. I was going to say that it was the best Star Trek movie ever but then I realized that wouldn't be saying much.

Naturally, there were all the typical science fiction flaws (loud space explosions, inconsistent technological abilities, convoluted plot) but it was still a very enjoyable movie. In fact, there was only one mistake that I cannot forgive and this is a mistake common to J.J. Abram's shows. To put it simply, and without spoilers, one character acted in a way completely inconsistent with not only his character but common sense in general in order to further the plot. This is the same fatal flaw of Lost. The writing is plot based rather than character driven.

To put it less simply and with spoilers: WHY DIDN'T SPOCK IMMEDIATELY CONTACT THE FEDERATION BASE WHEN HE WAS MAROONED ON THE PLANET? Seriously. If a crazed Romulan told you he was going to destroy your entire home planet, would you a) sit in a cave waiting for Kirk like Spock did, or b) run as fast as you can to the nearest base in order to get a warning message to Vulcan. Duh! Lazy writing like that makes me so mad.

Despite this glaring flaw, I was feeling pretty good about the movie and then I talked to my uncles who are real Star Trek fans. See, I like Next Generation but I was never that hardcore about Star Trek. My uncles, on the other hand, are a different story. For example, I have witness them debate for over an hour as to whether it was appropriate to display different scale models of star ships in the same room! Anyway, they HATED the new star trek movie. I got them to agree that it was entertaining but it was just "not Star Trek". Which made me laugh because of the onion spoof below. Apparently, they would agree with all the folks being interviewed.

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

Even more Good Touch, Bad Touch.

I read three more sexual abuse prevention books this week. The Trouble with Secrets by Karen Johnsen simply describes situations where it is okay or not okay to keep secrets. The purpose of this book makes sense to me. I can see how teaching sexual abuse prevention may leave children feeling unsure about which secrets are okay to keep and which aren't. However, I want a book that more explicity addresses the problem. All in all, this book was okay. I didn't love it, but I would feel perfectly comfortable reading it to my child.

Something happened and I'm Scared to Tell by Patricia Kehoe is designed to be read to a child when you suspect child abuse. Thus, the entire book is geared toward getting the child to tell what happened. Because of this, I can't recommend it as a general sexual abuse prevention book but I do think it would help a child feel comfortable sharing a secret.

Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Spelman is very similar to It's My Body except that it more explicity talks about private parts, and the only situations where it is okay for someone to touch them. Because of that, I like it better than It's My Body and have already read it several times to my 20 month old. She likes it a lot and will request it over and over again.

In conclusion, I am planning to purchase Your Body Belongs to You and A Very Touching Book for our personal library.

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

I read this book several weeks ago but have been waiting to post because I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. And the truth is, I still am not sure. The advice he gives is okay, I guess. But the whole book seems a little trite. I feel bad even saying that because I know that Pausch really is dying, and doing the best he can to cope with a horrible situation but the light hearted approach of the book left me craving more.

Good Touch, Bad Touch Cont.

A Very Touching Book by Jan Hindman is my favorite sexual abuse prevention book so far (not that that's saying much; I've only read three). Be forewarned, however, that one reviewer on Amazon found it to be pornographic. So, if you don't want your kid to see naked cartoon drawings of various body types (I personally can't imagine why you wouldn't), this book is not for you. I, for one, am all for my daughter realizing that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that is okay.

Hindman's approach to the subject addresses one of my main concerns about talking to M. about Good Touch, Bad Touch. I was worried that in my attempts to protect her from sexual abuse, I would inadvertently make her feel anxious rather than empowered. Hindman's approach is so wonderfully positive and mixed with humor that I now feel completely comfortable protecting my daughter without causing undue worry.

Hindman's approach differs from more traditional approaches in two main ways (again, it's only fair to say that I am only talking from my personal experience with 2 other books, and several school programs). First of all, she takes the time to explain to children WHY we keep our special parts private: "Remember, we don't cover those parts because they are silly or ugly or nasty. We cover them because they are special." She also says that the special parts are wonderful, and that adults spend a lot of time deciding what one person to share them with (she doesn't go so far as to mention marriage but that is something a parent could easily add). I just love the idea of teaching children that their private parts are wonderful and special; rather than just telling them to keep them covered.

The other way Hindman's approach is different is that she talks about Good Touch, Bad Touch and Secret Touch. Her point (and I agree) is that sexual abuse doesn't necessarily feel bad so kids may be confused. Secret Touch is less ambigous because there is never a reason for there to be Secret Touching with children. She then goes into 3 positive examples of when touching of the special parts is okay and not secret (i.e. doctor's, and changing diapers).

Unfortunately, this book is not perfect. There were a few things I didn't like. First of all, and this isn't really a negative--this book is very wordy and therefore not appropriate for toddlers. This only frustrates me because even though I am planning to buy this book, I still have to keep looking for one appropriate for younger children. Also, Hindman refers to adults doing the secret touching but really kids are likely to be abused by other children as well. I wish she would have used a broader description. Finally, I was a little uncomfortable with the final example of okay secret touching. This example describes a Grandpa taking a shower with a child and helping him clean his special parts. I am very sure in most cases this is a perfectly okay scenario but I also know that it can be a risky place for sexual abuse. I think I would still use the example but explain more clearly to my child when something like this would be appropriate.

And now for a quick review of It's My Body by Lory Freeman. This book is very simple (definitely appropriate for 2 year olds) and simply talks to the child about how they have the right to decide when and how to share their body. In other words, it's okay to say no to any kind of touch you don't like (including hugs). It doesn't get any more specific than that and it is the first book on the subject that I have read to M. Feeling empowered to say no is definitely the first step in sexual abuse prevention.