No Feeling is Final.

I had forgotten how much I love poetry.  Thank you FMH for rekindling a part of me that was lost admist the relentless (yet rewarding) toddler years. This poem spoke to me.   

Go To The Limits of Your Longing

God speaks to each of us as he makes us
then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
Go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like a flame
and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.

Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.


Rainer Maria Rilke
Book of Hours, I 59


I also loved this quote: 

“…I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them.


And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903 in Letters to a Young Poet


It resonated with me and where I am with my struggles with my faith and my church.  I need to love and live the questions; rather than waiting for the answers. 

Highly Sensitive Advice?

My 3 year old daughter M.  is (for lack of a better description) a super sensor.  Like most personality traits, it cycles in its intensity but there were several weeks when we would go through half a dozen shirts before she'd settle on one. and then we'd go through 3 or 4 pairs of pants before she would find a pair that would work.  To make matters worse, during that intense period, usually her clothes would start bugging her after 45 minutes (which nearly always coincided with me trying to get out the door) and we had to go through the whole process again.  Truthfully, during those few weeks we were never on time anywhere. And M. only wore pants when we were outside.  It just wasn't worth the battle in our own home.  S. and I used to (okay, still) joke that M. has the same cry for breaking a leg and a tag bugging her.   You may laugh , but it is 100% true. 

I was feeling very frustrated with the whole thing until a visit to a friend's house changed my perspective.  One of M.'s friends has the best dress up clothes.  Princess dresses, leotards, tutu's, veils, fringe, boas--you name it.  M. desperately wanted to wear them.  She kept trying them on, bursting into tears because they "bugged her", and asking me to help get them off.  Once she calmed down, she would try on the same dress again because "maybe it wouldn't bug" her this time and go through the whole process again.  After giving up on one dress up, she would then go through the entire process with a different dress.  This was perhaps the first time I realized how uncomfortable clothing must feel to her.  She REALLY wanted to participate in dressing up but her super sensors wouldn't let her.  And this was also the first time an outsider got a glimpse of what getting M. dressed really was liked and her sympathy was very validating, but that is another story.

Obviously this was a trying time for my patience but things got a little better when my friend handed me a book (Raising your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka), and said that it might give me some ideas for M.  To which I said, "um, thanks but I don't really consider M. spirited."  "Well . . . some of the chapters seem to apply" said my tactful friend.  hmph, I thought.  But she was right.  

Raising your Spirited Child had a whole chapter on kid's sensitivities to clothes (I really only read those chapters because in other ways, M. is the opposite of spirited) and the chapter was fantastic.  Although, to be honest, the behavior analytic side of me was embarrassed that I didn't think up the interventions on my own.  I totally should have.  Anyway, the minute I finished reading the chapter I busted out labels for all of M.'s clothes.  She suddenly had a sock drawer, a shirt drawer, a pant drawer, etc. etc. etc.  I told her that sometimes clothes bug her and that is okay but it is (and here is the important part) her job to change her clothes not mine.  Suddenly the battle was gone.  Suddenly M. felt empowered.  Suddenly things seemed to bug her less (I am not kidding) and when clothing did bug her, she knew what to do. It was such a drastic change and an incredibly simple intervention.  I could not believe I had fought the battle for so long. 

The other thing I did that seemed to help (and I don't think this was in the book but reading it inspired me) was to write a little picture book for M. about wearing clothes.  She loved the book and responds well to that type of learning.  My whole purpose shifted from trying to get M. to get dressed quickly, to teaching her strategies that she could employ on her own to handle her sensory issues.

All of this brings me to the book The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. Aron.  I figured that if a book about spirited children had some great ideas, a book directly about sensitive children would be even better.  I was wrong.

Admittedly, I am not the best person to review parenting books.  I tend to feel like most (if not all) good parenting ideas are behavior analytic in nature and that different books just put different padding around those ideas.  That being said, this book was exceptionally annoying.  First, it was SO WORDY.  She would take pages to say things that could have been explained in a bullet point.  Second, I felt like most of the book was a cheer leading section for highly sensitive kids.  I did not need this.  I already think that M. is awesome and I already can see how her highly sensitive nature has its pros and cons (just like any personality trait).  and finally, this book was sorely lacking in practical advice.  For example, when talking about how easy it is to feel frustrated with your highly sensitive child, Aron's advice is to  . . . wait for it . . . be patient.  Wow.  Why didn't I think of that?   Clearly I was not a fan of the book.  If you need advice on your "highly sensitive child" (I still like the term super sensor) check out Raising your Spirited Child. 

As for M. she is doing much better.  We have our bad days.  Just this morning, we tried on 5 pair of socks before I decided it would be okay for her to wear her shoes without socks.  But overall she is doing MUCH better.  In fact, last weekend we went back to her friends house and she wore all the dress up options and she only started crying once.  Apparently the sleeves slipping down bugged her but once she calmed down she suggested the solution of using a twist tie to hold them up.  Now that is progress.

Shogun by James Clavell

To be honest, I dragged my feet about reading this book for a long time.  After living in China, it felt disloyal to show interest in Japan.  I know it sounds weird to say that, but what can I say?  It turns out that  Communist propaganda works.  For the first few months after returning from China, I felt defensive of Mao, like Taiwan should still be part of the Mainland,  and a little ( I am not proud of this) distaste for Japan.   Thankfully I soon came to my senses.  And when I finaly got around to reading Shogun . . . wow.  I loved it.  Well, more accurately I loved the first 1000 pages (it kind of drags a little bit at the end) but it is definitely worth reading.  It gives such great insight into the Japanese culture.  Well, to be honest, I really have no idea how accurate Clavell's portrayal is but it seems like it gives great insight into the Japanese culture.   

Shogun tells the tale of Pilot-Major John Blackthorne, who along with his surviving crew, shipwrecks on the coast of Japan during the 1600s.  The 1200 page novel is the story of his attempt to assimilate into the Japanese culture while trying to fix his ship, attain riches, and head back home to England.  Obviously, the story is much more complex than this and truthfully I could tell you nearly everything about the plot, and it wouldn't spoil the book for you.  The magic of Shogun is found in the details.  It's been weeks since I finished the book, and I still catch myself pondering scenes.  Shogun also has helped me be a better person.  You may laugh, but it's true. 

For example, Clavell's description of karma and zen has helped me develop a coping strategy for my anxiety.  Whenever I feel myself starting to worry, I just tell myself that if what I am worrying about comes to pass, that is my karma and there is no sense in worrying.  I'm sure that sentence didn't seem that helpful to you but if you immerse yourself in Shogun, it will.

Along those same lines, Toranaga (one of the main Japanese leaders) tells his son that "patience is very important. The strong are the patient ones. Patience means holding back your inclination to the seven emotions: Hate, adoration, joy, anxiety, anger, grief, fear. If you don't give way to the seven, you're patient, then you'll soon understand all manner of things and be in harmony with Eternity".  I had never considered anxiety (can you tell that anxiety is at the forefront of my mind right now?) as a lack of patience.  But it's true.  Most of my anxiety stems from worrying about unknowns, or what ifs--in other words, things that are yet to be.  Patience would mean waiting until an event exists before reacting to it.  What a gift that would be. 

Anyway, I  know 1200 pages seems daunting but I think it's worth reading.  Heck, I've even read it twice.  and you know what?  In another 5 years, I'll probably read it again.  Although, as my DH is always quick to point out, that isn't necessarily an endorsement.  In a pinch, I'll reread books I hated.  But in this particular case, I'd be rereading it because I loved it.

Balance Bikes

I like to research things before I buy them.  I make pro and con lists, read reviews, ask people, etc.  Usually this process is relatively painless.  A couple of google searches and I am good to go.  Researching balance bikes was not quite so easy.  The first problem was that there is not an consensus on the name.  These pedal-less bikes go by Run Bikes, or Push Bikes, or (my personal favorite) Balance Bikes.  Also, there were very few comparative reviews.  In fact, when I was researching this about a year ago, I only found two (there are more now).  This New York Times article and this cycling blog.  Both of these reviews were really helpful and informative.  If you are considering purchasing a balance bike go read them. now. 

Because I am a cheapskate, I easily ruled out the bikes that weren't floating around the 100 dollar price point.  I don't care how awesome the bike is, I am not spending $300 on a bike my kid will use for 6 months.  I also easily ruled out the wooden bikes.  I am not really sure why but I had zero interest in them.  Some people love them, but I wanted a bike that looked like a bike.  I thought my daughter would like it better and I thought it would wear better.  Oh, and I also ruled out the Adam's Run Bike because I can't support a company that names their pink bike the "Girl" bike and the blue bike the "Boy" bike.  That is inexcusable. 

At the end of the day, I was debating between the Kinderbike and the Striderbike.  Yes, it's true, one review was very scornful of the Strider Bike, but I seriously considered it because it was the only balance bike I had seen in person.  And my friend's daughter made it look AWESOME.  Also, I liked that it had a place to rest the feet. 

So . . . in the end, we went with the Kinderbike.  It was well reviewed on both of the comparative reviews and I liked the fact that it had real tires (rather than foam tires like the Strider bike) and that it had a higher weight limit.  And I have to say, I was right.  The kinderbike clearly is nicer than the Strider bike.  BUT, after comparing them both side by side for the past 8 months (we ride bikes a lot with our friends), I can say with authority: it doesn't matter.  The kids weigh so little, that nicer components just don't make that big of a difference.  Every bike has pros and cons.  I like the foot rest on Strider, as well as how light the bike is.  And I like the inflatable tires and heavier weight limit on the Kinderbike. 

I guess what I am trying to say is don't waste your time researching.  They all cost about the same, and they all serve the same function, and every balance bike I've seen is of good enough quality to last through a couple of kids.  Just go out and get one.  They are awesome. 

My cautious daughter (2 and 3/4) during her first week on the Balance Bike

And here she is 6 months later.  Believe me, we thought this day would never come. 

Inception: Not So Much.

Remember the story of the Emperor's new clothes? The king was really naked but everybody kept saying how beautiful his clothes were because they didn't want to admit they couldn't see them. That's how I feel about Inception. I think people say they like it because they don't want to seem stupid for not liking it. At least, that's the only explanation that makes sense to me. All through the movie, I kept wondering if I was seeing a different movie than everyone else. How could this be the movie that has received such great reviews including being labeled the "best science fiction movie ever" by Orson Scott Card? The movie makes no sense. and not in a good way.

First of all. Here is the unforgivable error. And it is not even a spoiler. The dreams don't feel dream like. Which, seeing how this is the premise of the whole movie, is a MAJOR problem. Dreams bounce around from location to location. One minute you are chatting with your mom about the best recipe for chocolate oatmeal cookies and the next minute you are reading aloud the recipe to your 8th grade chemistry class, naked. They are not dreary, stationary sets from mobster movies. This flaw was so obvious and apparent that I couldn't suspend my disbelief for a second. These dreams would feel fake and forced to anyone having them which undermines the entire premise of the movie. If you are interested in seeing an awesome portrayal of dreams, check out the last episode of Season 4 of Buffy.

Another major problem with the movie (and this is sort of a spoiler) is something that I didn't really notice until my husband pointed it out. They make a big deal out of the fact that in the first layer of dream 5 minutes = 1 hour, and that in the second layer 5 minutes = 1 week and in the third layer that 5 minutes = 10 years (or whatever) but in the movie, while they go out of their way to show the time difference between the first and second layer, they act like time is passing in real time in the third layer. That is just lazy writing.

Don't get me wrong, I have liked Chris Nolan's work in the past. Memento was phenomenal. But Inception just seemed superficial and poorly thought out. Plus, Leonardo looks like a chubby 12 year old which is always distracting.

Here is a hilarious spoof on all the things that were so lame in Inception. Well, it's hilarious except for the last 10 seconds.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

My Nursing Story

I was a guest blogger on The Mom Blog. Check it out!

Utah Needs More Nudity

In the past year, I have been to 4 different public pools with my children. 2 in Utah and 2 in Seattle. Granted, it's a pretty small sample size but the locker room experience is so different. In Utah, everyone patiently waits for a changing room, either that, or does the awkward changing under the tee-shirt dance. In Seattle, women . . . wait for it . . . change their clothes as they usually would. Because of this *Gasp* there is actually nudity in the women's locker rooms. Shocking, I know. Since, I grew up in Utah, it took me a while to get used to it. Admittedly, I was a little uncomfortable when my neighbor stripped down in the middle of a conversation with me. But, after 8 weeks of swimming lessons, I was stripping down with the best of them.

I didn't think much about it, until a few months later, M. and I went swimming in Utah. I started to nonchalantly change into my swimsuit, and then froze. I was the only person in the room not waiting for a changing room and many moms looked disapproving. How dare I change in front of their impressionable daughter? Right then and there, I realized how grateful I was that I lived in Seattle. I love that M. sees other naked women. I think it is healthy for her to realize that women come in all shapes and all sizes. I think it will give her a better body image. 99% of the population look better with their clothes on, and I think girls imagine that other women's bodies look better than they actually do.

Probably, women in Utah are just trying to be modest but I would rather my daughter feel comfortable about her body.

What do you think?