Good Touch, Bad Touch Cont.

A Very Touching Book by Jan Hindman is my favorite sexual abuse prevention book so far (not that that's saying much; I've only read three). Be forewarned, however, that one reviewer on Amazon found it to be pornographic. So, if you don't want your kid to see naked cartoon drawings of various body types (I personally can't imagine why you wouldn't), this book is not for you. I, for one, am all for my daughter realizing that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that is okay.

Hindman's approach to the subject addresses one of my main concerns about talking to M. about Good Touch, Bad Touch. I was worried that in my attempts to protect her from sexual abuse, I would inadvertently make her feel anxious rather than empowered. Hindman's approach is so wonderfully positive and mixed with humor that I now feel completely comfortable protecting my daughter without causing undue worry.

Hindman's approach differs from more traditional approaches in two main ways (again, it's only fair to say that I am only talking from my personal experience with 2 other books, and several school programs). First of all, she takes the time to explain to children WHY we keep our special parts private: "Remember, we don't cover those parts because they are silly or ugly or nasty. We cover them because they are special." She also says that the special parts are wonderful, and that adults spend a lot of time deciding what one person to share them with (she doesn't go so far as to mention marriage but that is something a parent could easily add). I just love the idea of teaching children that their private parts are wonderful and special; rather than just telling them to keep them covered.

The other way Hindman's approach is different is that she talks about Good Touch, Bad Touch and Secret Touch. Her point (and I agree) is that sexual abuse doesn't necessarily feel bad so kids may be confused. Secret Touch is less ambigous because there is never a reason for there to be Secret Touching with children. She then goes into 3 positive examples of when touching of the special parts is okay and not secret (i.e. doctor's, and changing diapers).

Unfortunately, this book is not perfect. There were a few things I didn't like. First of all, and this isn't really a negative--this book is very wordy and therefore not appropriate for toddlers. This only frustrates me because even though I am planning to buy this book, I still have to keep looking for one appropriate for younger children. Also, Hindman refers to adults doing the secret touching but really kids are likely to be abused by other children as well. I wish she would have used a broader description. Finally, I was a little uncomfortable with the final example of okay secret touching. This example describes a Grandpa taking a shower with a child and helping him clean his special parts. I am very sure in most cases this is a perfectly okay scenario but I also know that it can be a risky place for sexual abuse. I think I would still use the example but explain more clearly to my child when something like this would be appropriate.

And now for a quick review of It's My Body by Lory Freeman. This book is very simple (definitely appropriate for 2 year olds) and simply talks to the child about how they have the right to decide when and how to share their body. In other words, it's okay to say no to any kind of touch you don't like (including hugs). It doesn't get any more specific than that and it is the first book on the subject that I have read to M. Feeling empowered to say no is definitely the first step in sexual abuse prevention.

Good touch, Bad Touch.

I have been thinking a lot lately about when to start teaching my children about sex. And what I realized is that an important first step (besides teaching your children to correctly label their private parts) is teaching them about appropriate touching. As much as I wish it were not the case, all children have a risk of sexual abuse and I want to do everything I can to protect my daughter. To this end, I have been looking for a simple picture book (hopefully, geared toward toddlers) that will help her begin to understand the concept of appropriate touching.

The Right Touch by Sandy Kleven is a picture book designed to "help prevent child sexual abuse". The story is about a mother who is talking to her son about "touching problems". The book has pretty cutsey illustrations (I didn't love them) and does give semi-explicit examples. such as, what if a "man tried to put his hand down [a girl's] panties". It is hard for me to review this book because I haven't read any others on this subject but I didn't love it for two reasons. First of all, it seemed targeted for children about 4 to 8 years old. Since my daughter is almost 2, I was hoping for something a little less wordy and more simple. Also, I didn't like the story within a story motif. Although, I can see how someone who is uncomfortable with the topic may prefer to talk to their children about the mom and the boy in the book. For myself, I think I would prefer a more direct route.

The Vampire and the Cowboy

I laughed at myself when I checked this book out of the library. I just couldn't resist the title. Of course, I was planning on it being a waste of time but, as crazy as it may sound, I really liked it. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying it constitutes good literature or anything but as far as brain candy goes, I thoroughly enjoyed it. In fact, if I ever saw it for sale at a used book store I would buy it (as a comparison, I would not by Catcher in the Rye).

The Cowboy and the Vampire by Clark Hays and Kathleen McFall is the love story of Tucker, the quintessential Wyoming cowboy, and Lizzie, the typical city girl reporter. Sounds great so far, right? Okay, fine. It sounds like a below average romance novel but, wait . . . it gets better. It turns out that Lizzie is being pursued by a centuries old vampire sect that considers her to be the heir to their bloodline. Awesome, right?

I know this all sounds incredibly cheesy (and it is) but it is also a lot of fun. And, I really enjoyed the vampire origin story in this book. You see, vampires were created by God at the same time as man. Yep, that's right. Both humans and vampires were hanging out in the Garden of Eden. However, humans chose to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil while the vampires chowed down on the Tree of Life. That's why humans are good (they know good from evil) and vampires live forever. It makes perfect sense.

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

Okay. Here's the deal. I know that The Catcher in the Rye is considered to be great literature by the powers that be (whoever they are) and I really do think Salinger is a great, even brilliant writer (seriously, go read Nine Stories, or Franny and Zooey). However, this book left me feeling so . . . empty. And sure, I guess that's the point but, to be honest, I like books with heroes not antiheroes.

In The Catcher in the Rye, Holden Caulfield tells, in painstaking and unreliable detail, the story of his expulsion from yet another prep school, and the subsequent few days. Salinger's stream of consciousness narrative puts several modern authors I can think of to shame, but . . . at the end of the day, I like books with at least one character that inspires me to be better.

Although, in the interest of being completely honest, I think my perception of the book may have been colored by the "spoiler" my husband let slip. He told me that Holden shoots himself at the end (which is not true). Thus, the whole book felt rather depressing and pointless since I knew the main character was going to die.