I'm just going to say it.

I hate cutesy blog backgrounds. What constitutes a cutesy background, you ask? Well, here's a hint. If you found your background on "the Cutest blog on the block," it's cutesy. Or, if you have a picture of you and your spouse hugging and/or kissing behind block letters of your names, it's cutesy. I am well aware that I am in the minority on this one but that's just how I feel. You will never see holiday themed, overlapping shapes with coordinating margins on any of my blogs. and that's that.

Why I hate Subway.

I seriously hate Subway. It's not that the food is gross, it's that they pretend to have specific sandwiches you can order, when, in point of fact, they don't. They really just sell you types of meat. For example, I went to Subway and ordered their Chicken & Bacon Ranch Sub. Here is the description from the menu:

The fresh toasted SUBWAY® Chicken & Bacon Ranch sub is made with melted Monterey Cheddar cheese, all-white meat chicken breast strips, bacon strips, lettuce, tomato wheels, onions, green pepper strips, black olive slices, and ranch dressing.

Sounds good, right? But then the subway guy asks me, "What type of cheese I want". Um. . . doesn't it come with Monterey Cheddar cheese? Then, he asks me, "What vegetables I want?" Again, didn't the menu list the vegetables. and then the last straw . . . "what type of dressing do you want with that? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Why do you think I ordered the Chicken & Bacon RANCH sub??? It certainly wasn't because I hate ranch dressing. I ask you, WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A MENU DESCRIPTION if you then make your customer spell out every stinkin' ingredient? I clearly ordered the Chicken & Bacon Ranch because it sounded good, and I shouldn't have to explain to the staff how to make the sandwich that is listed on the menu. Argh!

Quizno's, on the other hand, actually will make you the sandwich you ordered. Their menu has a purpose. And that, my friends, is why I prefer Quizno's over Subway.

Star Trek

For months people have been asking if I am excited to see Star Trek. To all those people, I would like to say, "Have you seen the other Star Trek movies?" Seriously. Star Trek movies are not good. Out of all 10, there are only 2 watchable ones (II, and IV--if you care). The rest are only good if you are watching them MST3000 style. But, the positive reviews for the newest Star Trek gave me enough courage to pay to see it in the theater. And, to my utmost surprise, it was good. I was going to say that it was the best Star Trek movie ever but then I realized that wouldn't be saying much.

Naturally, there were all the typical science fiction flaws (loud space explosions, inconsistent technological abilities, convoluted plot) but it was still a very enjoyable movie. In fact, there was only one mistake that I cannot forgive and this is a mistake common to J.J. Abram's shows. To put it simply, and without spoilers, one character acted in a way completely inconsistent with not only his character but common sense in general in order to further the plot. This is the same fatal flaw of Lost. The writing is plot based rather than character driven.

To put it less simply and with spoilers: WHY DIDN'T SPOCK IMMEDIATELY CONTACT THE FEDERATION BASE WHEN HE WAS MAROONED ON THE PLANET? Seriously. If a crazed Romulan told you he was going to destroy your entire home planet, would you a) sit in a cave waiting for Kirk like Spock did, or b) run as fast as you can to the nearest base in order to get a warning message to Vulcan. Duh! Lazy writing like that makes me so mad.

Despite this glaring flaw, I was feeling pretty good about the movie and then I talked to my uncles who are real Star Trek fans. See, I like Next Generation but I was never that hardcore about Star Trek. My uncles, on the other hand, are a different story. For example, I have witness them debate for over an hour as to whether it was appropriate to display different scale models of star ships in the same room! Anyway, they HATED the new star trek movie. I got them to agree that it was entertaining but it was just "not Star Trek". Which made me laugh because of the onion spoof below. Apparently, they would agree with all the folks being interviewed.

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

Even more Good Touch, Bad Touch.

I read three more sexual abuse prevention books this week. The Trouble with Secrets by Karen Johnsen simply describes situations where it is okay or not okay to keep secrets. The purpose of this book makes sense to me. I can see how teaching sexual abuse prevention may leave children feeling unsure about which secrets are okay to keep and which aren't. However, I want a book that more explicity addresses the problem. All in all, this book was okay. I didn't love it, but I would feel perfectly comfortable reading it to my child.

Something happened and I'm Scared to Tell by Patricia Kehoe is designed to be read to a child when you suspect child abuse. Thus, the entire book is geared toward getting the child to tell what happened. Because of this, I can't recommend it as a general sexual abuse prevention book but I do think it would help a child feel comfortable sharing a secret.

Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Spelman is very similar to It's My Body except that it more explicity talks about private parts, and the only situations where it is okay for someone to touch them. Because of that, I like it better than It's My Body and have already read it several times to my 20 month old. She likes it a lot and will request it over and over again.

In conclusion, I am planning to purchase Your Body Belongs to You and A Very Touching Book for our personal library.

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

I read this book several weeks ago but have been waiting to post because I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. And the truth is, I still am not sure. The advice he gives is okay, I guess. But the whole book seems a little trite. I feel bad even saying that because I know that Pausch really is dying, and doing the best he can to cope with a horrible situation but the light hearted approach of the book left me craving more.

Good Touch, Bad Touch Cont.

A Very Touching Book by Jan Hindman is my favorite sexual abuse prevention book so far (not that that's saying much; I've only read three). Be forewarned, however, that one reviewer on Amazon found it to be pornographic. So, if you don't want your kid to see naked cartoon drawings of various body types (I personally can't imagine why you wouldn't), this book is not for you. I, for one, am all for my daughter realizing that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that is okay.

Hindman's approach to the subject addresses one of my main concerns about talking to M. about Good Touch, Bad Touch. I was worried that in my attempts to protect her from sexual abuse, I would inadvertently make her feel anxious rather than empowered. Hindman's approach is so wonderfully positive and mixed with humor that I now feel completely comfortable protecting my daughter without causing undue worry.

Hindman's approach differs from more traditional approaches in two main ways (again, it's only fair to say that I am only talking from my personal experience with 2 other books, and several school programs). First of all, she takes the time to explain to children WHY we keep our special parts private: "Remember, we don't cover those parts because they are silly or ugly or nasty. We cover them because they are special." She also says that the special parts are wonderful, and that adults spend a lot of time deciding what one person to share them with (she doesn't go so far as to mention marriage but that is something a parent could easily add). I just love the idea of teaching children that their private parts are wonderful and special; rather than just telling them to keep them covered.

The other way Hindman's approach is different is that she talks about Good Touch, Bad Touch and Secret Touch. Her point (and I agree) is that sexual abuse doesn't necessarily feel bad so kids may be confused. Secret Touch is less ambigous because there is never a reason for there to be Secret Touching with children. She then goes into 3 positive examples of when touching of the special parts is okay and not secret (i.e. doctor's, and changing diapers).

Unfortunately, this book is not perfect. There were a few things I didn't like. First of all, and this isn't really a negative--this book is very wordy and therefore not appropriate for toddlers. This only frustrates me because even though I am planning to buy this book, I still have to keep looking for one appropriate for younger children. Also, Hindman refers to adults doing the secret touching but really kids are likely to be abused by other children as well. I wish she would have used a broader description. Finally, I was a little uncomfortable with the final example of okay secret touching. This example describes a Grandpa taking a shower with a child and helping him clean his special parts. I am very sure in most cases this is a perfectly okay scenario but I also know that it can be a risky place for sexual abuse. I think I would still use the example but explain more clearly to my child when something like this would be appropriate.

And now for a quick review of It's My Body by Lory Freeman. This book is very simple (definitely appropriate for 2 year olds) and simply talks to the child about how they have the right to decide when and how to share their body. In other words, it's okay to say no to any kind of touch you don't like (including hugs). It doesn't get any more specific than that and it is the first book on the subject that I have read to M. Feeling empowered to say no is definitely the first step in sexual abuse prevention.

Good touch, Bad Touch.

I have been thinking a lot lately about when to start teaching my children about sex. And what I realized is that an important first step (besides teaching your children to correctly label their private parts) is teaching them about appropriate touching. As much as I wish it were not the case, all children have a risk of sexual abuse and I want to do everything I can to protect my daughter. To this end, I have been looking for a simple picture book (hopefully, geared toward toddlers) that will help her begin to understand the concept of appropriate touching.

The Right Touch by Sandy Kleven is a picture book designed to "help prevent child sexual abuse". The story is about a mother who is talking to her son about "touching problems". The book has pretty cutsey illustrations (I didn't love them) and does give semi-explicit examples. such as, what if a "man tried to put his hand down [a girl's] panties". It is hard for me to review this book because I haven't read any others on this subject but I didn't love it for two reasons. First of all, it seemed targeted for children about 4 to 8 years old. Since my daughter is almost 2, I was hoping for something a little less wordy and more simple. Also, I didn't like the story within a story motif. Although, I can see how someone who is uncomfortable with the topic may prefer to talk to their children about the mom and the boy in the book. For myself, I think I would prefer a more direct route.

The Vampire and the Cowboy

I laughed at myself when I checked this book out of the library. I just couldn't resist the title. Of course, I was planning on it being a waste of time but, as crazy as it may sound, I really liked it. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying it constitutes good literature or anything but as far as brain candy goes, I thoroughly enjoyed it. In fact, if I ever saw it for sale at a used book store I would buy it (as a comparison, I would not by Catcher in the Rye).

The Cowboy and the Vampire by Clark Hays and Kathleen McFall is the love story of Tucker, the quintessential Wyoming cowboy, and Lizzie, the typical city girl reporter. Sounds great so far, right? Okay, fine. It sounds like a below average romance novel but, wait . . . it gets better. It turns out that Lizzie is being pursued by a centuries old vampire sect that considers her to be the heir to their bloodline. Awesome, right?

I know this all sounds incredibly cheesy (and it is) but it is also a lot of fun. And, I really enjoyed the vampire origin story in this book. You see, vampires were created by God at the same time as man. Yep, that's right. Both humans and vampires were hanging out in the Garden of Eden. However, humans chose to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil while the vampires chowed down on the Tree of Life. That's why humans are good (they know good from evil) and vampires live forever. It makes perfect sense.

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

Okay. Here's the deal. I know that The Catcher in the Rye is considered to be great literature by the powers that be (whoever they are) and I really do think Salinger is a great, even brilliant writer (seriously, go read Nine Stories, or Franny and Zooey). However, this book left me feeling so . . . empty. And sure, I guess that's the point but, to be honest, I like books with heroes not antiheroes.

In The Catcher in the Rye, Holden Caulfield tells, in painstaking and unreliable detail, the story of his expulsion from yet another prep school, and the subsequent few days. Salinger's stream of consciousness narrative puts several modern authors I can think of to shame, but . . . at the end of the day, I like books with at least one character that inspires me to be better.

Although, in the interest of being completely honest, I think my perception of the book may have been colored by the "spoiler" my husband let slip. He told me that Holden shoots himself at the end (which is not true). Thus, the whole book felt rather depressing and pointless since I knew the main character was going to die.