Anthem for the Stay-at-home-Parent.

When I was a teenager--Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) seemed to capture my teenage angst so perfectly.  Imagine my joy in discovering that he still understands my angst.  I swear this song was written about staying home with young children.   







And here are the lyrics:


I believe I can see the future
Because I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
Then again, that might have been a dream

I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them (aka my young children) to come around
Oh, no

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I can feel their (my children are always watching me) eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

(spoken)
I'm writing on a little piece of paper (journaling to process emotions)
I'm hoping someday you might find
Well, I'll hide it behind something (gotta hide it from my children)
They won't look behind

I am still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know, I don't know,
What else I can do…

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
(Every day) *repeat 4 times as Chorus is playing*
(There is no love) *repeat 2 times*

I'm Free!

You know that scene in My So-Called Life where Angela is dancing around the room in complete happiness because she is finally over Jordan . . . you don't?  well, here it is.  

That is how I feel right now.  For the first time in 20 years (literally) I have ZERO angst about my religion* and my place in it.  It is the most freeing feeling.  I want to dance around the room singing.



*That is not to say that my problems and concerns have gone away.  I still take issue with all the same things.  I just don't feel worked up about it.  

Monster Unit

So I've gotten really behind on my monkey school reporting. So here is a quick recap of our monster unit (mostly without pictures, sigh.)

Books:

Go Away Big Green Monster, and Leonardo the Terrible Monstor.

 

Art Projects:

Playdoh monsters.  The kids loved this.  We did the monsters one week, and the next week we made Monster Frames for the pictures I took.

Monster Vests.  We made monster costumes out of paper bags.  and then used bugles for monster "claws".  

Activities:

Monster sort:  I decorated a bucket like a monster and we fed it the appropriate number of animals.  

Wonderful Friend vs Terrible Monster:  I had the kids act out being wonderful friends and then being terrible monsters.  

Snack:  We made big green monster pancakes with whipped cream, and fruit to make the faces.  

I am sure we did other things, I just can't think of them right now.  It was a great unit and the kids had a lot of fun.  Except for one kid who was afraid of the book "Go Away Big Green Monster".  oops.  

Leaving Facebook: The Second Attempt.

I know I already tried and failed at this but I think it is time to make a second attempt.  All the same pros and cons apply but I have noticed that my extended family is posting less, yet I seem to be checking it more.  I tried having my husband change my password so that I could only log in once a day but most of the time I cheated and just didn't log out.

I'll miss learning more about my fellow ward members and seeing pictures of my extended family but I want to set a better example of living in the real world to my children.  Wish me luck!

The Sexperiment

I just finished reading The Sexperiment by Ed and Lisa Young.  The big "sexperiment " is having sex every day for 7 days in a row.  Which isn't a bad idea.  Although, since my husband is no dummy, I am pretty sure he will be "too tired" on day six so that we have to start our goal over again.  Anyway, despite the decent idea, the book wasn't really that great.  When I read self-help books, I like bullet points.  Do not make me read every paragraph.  Self Help books should be made for skimming.  Plus, when I picked it up, I didn't realize it was a christian sex book.  yawn.

But one paragraph jumped out at me.  And this paragraph was so profound that I want to give a Relief Society lesson on it.  Haha.

"We all have unique abilities and aptitudes to be used while we're here on earth.  We're all just stewards, and one day we are going to be held accountable concerning how we've handled the resources that God has given us. God has given unique gifts to us, and He wants us to return them to Him in their most developed fashion as an act of worship. (so far so good right--this is nothing we wouldn't learn in Sunday school but here comes the whammy---)Our sexuality is a gift from God, and we are to steward it like any other gift He has given us.  --God wants greatness from us in the sexual arena.

Our sexuality is a gift from God.  Booyah! You know how we are not supposed to hide our talents under a bushel?  This never occurred to me before but sex is a talent.  God wants us to develop it.  And that takes practice, and creativity.    Ready. Set. Go.

Goodbye Pacifier!

You know how most babies sleep the first day or so?  Not Buddy.  He wanted to nurse every 45 minutes.  And, by nurse, I mean use-me-as-a-human-pacifier-because-there-wasn't-any-milk-yet.  After 12 hours of this, a nurse heard me casually mention to my husband that we should get him a pacifier. "No," she yelled.  "Babies shouldn't have pacifiers--it will ruin him for nursing."  Luckily, my pediatrician had more sense.  One look at my 10lb baby chomping down on my nipple and she said, "give that kid a damn pacifier".  Bless her.   Of course, thanks to that first nurse (aka mommy paranoia) I resisted until my milk came in but I swear angels started singing hallelujah when I gave him his first pacifier.  Buddy's whole body relaxed in an exclamation of contentment.

Flash forward 2 1/2 years and he is a pacifier junkie.  Technically the rule is he can't take his pacifier out of his room but he is no dummy.  Every time I'm on the phone, he tries to sneak the paci by me.  If I call him on it, he says sweetly, "go away, please Mama.  I want to be alone."  He also has taken to dragging toys into his room so that he can play and suck his paci at the same time.   And heaven knows how many he has stashed around the house.

My husband and I keep telling each other we need to be more strict but the lack of whining and crying is just so dang pleasant when his mouth is otherwise occupied that we never stick to our guns.

Then one day, I've had it.  I had planned to wean him slowly.  To slowly deny access until he was only using it at night and naps but that plan just wasn't working.  I always give in because I am always tired, or he is sick, or hurt, or sad, or I am sick or hurt or sad.  There is always an excuse.  So I decided to bite the bullet and go for it.

To prepare him, I wrote a quick story and we read it several times.




Then it was off to build-a-bear.  He picked out a hideous blue bear, vest, hockey stick and cowboy boots (don't ask, I don't get it either).  And we put his pacifier inside and they sewed up the bear.  Goodbye Pacifier, Hello Paci-Bear.

The crazy thing is he loves this bear and understands that his pacifier is inside where he can't use it but that he can still use "Paci-Bear" to comfort himself.  He gets hurt and instead of asking for a pacifier, he buries his face in Paci-bear.  I am in awe. and Buddy? He is proud.  "I a big kid, Mama!"

It has now been 3 days and he has asked for his pacifier once.  There have been no tears.   I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop but so far so good.